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Called Me Deeper

I could just sit I could just sit and wait for all Your goodness Hope to feel Your presence And I could just stay I could just stay right where I am and hope to feel You Hope to feel something again

And I could hold on I could hold on to who I am and never let You Change me from the inside And I could be safe I could be safe here in Your arms and never leave home Never let these walls down

But You have called me higher You have called me deeper And I'll go where You will lead me Lord You have called me higher You have called me deeper And I'll go where You lead me Lord

-Leslie Jordan

I love-hate this song. I love it because I know it is true. During the times in my life where I have been the farthest from my comfort zone, I have been the closest to God. I love that about God. But I also hate it. I feel like I need some periods in my life to just chill. I question, “Why, me? Why do you want to grow MY comfort zone as big as the Pacific Ocean? If hard things are supposed to make you stronger, surely I am about at the level of Samson by now! Go pick on someone else. Just let me stay right here, hang out in coffee shops, play volleyball... relax. Yes, of course I want to be a Christian. Of course I want you to direct my life. But find someone else to do the hard stuff."

Walls... some parts of my life are a constant construction zone. I am either busily constructing them. High concrete walls usually, and maybe some razor wire on the top - shutting out situations and people in my life that make me feel the slightest bit unsafe. Then a couple months later, there I am again with a crowbar, helping God tear down those same walls, dealing yet again with my insecurities and lack of trust.

I want to stop creating walls. Stop fighting God to stay inside my comfort zone. I want a full, rich, Christian life, and to be truly transformed from the inside out. And I'm willing to pay the price.

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