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  • Quiara

Pros and Cons to Being Engaged to Someone Across the Ocean

Updated: Jan 11, 2022


1. That feeling of awe and gratefulness you get when you think back to all those days you prayed for this... Even tho you sometimes thought it was such a crazy dream that maybe it couldn't even happen.

2. Knowing the sacrifices he's making for you... Marriage isn't just an easy step with a house loan from a Grandpa and a job that you've had since age sixteen.

3. Talking another language in public so no one else understands

4. Really getting to know someone who has had a life so much different than yours so far. 12 January was the 10 year anniversary of the earthquake in Port au Prince so he was telling me about the experience and wow. I can't imagine living thru that. And wedding planning believe me has had to start at the basics with explaining how it is in each country. Some people might say it's a con not a pro, but there's something so fresh and new about it and you have to be so open minded. I just know I think it's awesome.

5. A new family that has no prior expectations of you... They expect you to be different than them and there really isn't lots of pressure to "fit in" because everyone knows you can't. His mom (her name is Eva pronounced Ava by the way and I think a middle aged Haitian lady named Ava is just the coolest thing ever) grew up with a lot of missionary kids around and still has friends in the states and she has a white son in law already so she knows a bit about how we think over here. I asked her if she ever thought she would have two white children and she said, "My family is already all colors." They are too... A few of her children are pretty dark, then a couple are more brown skinned, and one of the girls is about the color of me with a really good tan. And his sister Shelda has a white husband, so that gives us a lot in common. She's excited about the wedding even tho she is gonna have her first baby in a few months and that seems to be on her mind a lot. I can see why it would be lol. But it's good to have her to ask ignorant "girl" questions to, and she's offering me dishes and stuff to use if I can't bring everything that I need. And his mom is kind of famous for being a good cook so that's something that will be hard to live up to but in this case they know I'm starting at the beginning with Haitian food so maybe there will be some patience lol.

6. Not having to wear hose on your wedding day. Flap outs are great too.

7. I wish I could say going to your wedding on motorcycle. OK he would be properly horrified if I said that to him. And no it's dirty and not practical and would mess up your hair. But taking moto taxis was basically outlawed when I worked at the orphanage so something about hauling around everywhere on a motorcycle with him just slightly appeals to me. OK more than slightly.

8. Stepping out into the cold and knowing that in three months you will be moving somewhere where you will never have to be cold again.

9. Honeymoon by the Caribbean... Everyone asks me if I'm having a beach wedding lol... I do wish but I'm not forsaking the faith nor am I moving to a country with all grass huts... There are buildings and churches and I think maybe there is a palm tree in that churchyard but I'm not sure and that is the closest thing to a beach wedding that I will have.

10. AMAZING singing on your wedding. There is a big men's choir there that practices every month and wow. Zèzè and I have a standing argument of which can sing better and I can not wait to drag him over here and prove my point the in America the singing is just not quite up there with his people. Sidenote: I have a recording of group d'homme when he went to another congregation with them one weekend and it has put me to sleep so many times this year lol. I CANNOT wait to be back there and hear that singing again.

12. Having a Haitian minister pray over you on your wedding. I can't really explain why this makes me happy. Maybe it's because I somehow feel like a lot of them have a stronger faith than some of us, or maybe they're just less formal about their faith. Maybe it is because this country draws me to God like nothing else. This year I have had to take a jump forward spiritually to be ready for this step, and 2015 at the orphanage was definitely the same way.

12. The simplicity... In the beginning I saw this as a con. I wanted all the cute stuff that people buy new brides, and the traditions of being married in the states. But in the end, I'm loving this figuring out how many suitcases full of white girl I can, and even want to take along there. I'm loving thinking of white food I can make without heading to the overpriced supermarket full of North American groceries. He's really sociable and excited about having a home together and doing things with the other people our age and having fun times. (They tend to have either big parties together or nothing, and he wants to break some of that tradition.) I'm sewing my own wedding dress except for the loops, and no $80 slip either. I have four new dresses I sewed in summer plus my Christmas dresses, and when you think of cutting sleeves off all your long sleeve dresses and plus having dressy short sleeve ones for church, your closet multiplies! So I'm buying stuff for him instead of more clothes for me. Which is somewhat terrifying actually but fun lol. And today I'm gonna sit in the coffee shop and do invites. No drama there either. He did some in French there and I don't think I'll send out hundreds of them because it doesn't seem like the best use of money at this point. The cool thing again is that he really doesn't have a lot of expectations of me and I can just be myself and if something isn't important to me, I can leave it off and no one will talk or be horrified.

So my pro list is long but there are a few cons. See below.

Cons1. He can't come for weekends to see me 2. Long engagement 3. See one and two. And end the end, wherever you are, love is love... Lamou se lamou... Se yon bèl bagay vrèman pa vre? Yes, it's a beautiful thing. Truly.

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