• Quiara

Ten Things Needed for a Perfect Mennonite Bridal Shower

Updated: Jan 11

Disclaimer: heavy use of sarcasm... Married or engaged friends proceed with caution!

Ten things needed for The Perfect Mennonite Bridal Shower:

1. A group of maybe 50 women, or hens, dressed up in their finest feathers, clucking quietly... Excuse me... Making small talk 2. Candles, flowers, old barn doors, and string lights 3. Lots of super yummy food that you can only take super tiny portions of unless you want to look like a pig 4. Several dozen Pioneer Woman dishes all wrapped up with $6 sappy cards... These are for all the older hens to cluck over, I mean the Grandmas to admire 5. One bride. Glowing. 6. One mother of the bride. Sitting beside bride. Looking even happier than bride. 7. One mother in law of bride. Sitting on other side of bride. Looking happiest of all. 8. Group of friends. Sweetly and softly singing a touching little song. Looking at bride with love in their eyes but wishing this whole wedding ordeal would be over with. 9. Embarrassing game. Need I explain further? 10. Advice cards... Awkward!!! Like I can tell you lots of theories obout child training, and I've trained a lot of horses, but never a stallion!! So... Always kiss your husband goodnight... Make his favorite meal 3 times a week even if you hate it... Picking up dirty socks is the purest form of love... But wait! How do I know if any of this is true????

"So... Oh thou scoffer," you say, "When thou comest to a time in thy life when thy matrimonial ceremony is eminent, what wilt thou have us to do for thee?"

And I say... Seriously? Probably just give me a triple helping of cheesy. Getting married just seems to be a cheesy process start to finish, and hey, why skimp on cheese?

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