How can I bear it?
To give her a ride –
this lady who raised her
family
and controls them still
with just a look
and a disgruntled, “Oh.”
She will never learn
to drive a car.
How can I give her a ride
again –
and hear
“God bless you
Sister Eliezer.
May He give you a boy
for your first child.”
She acts like
I solved her problems
for the day.
But she has many
I cannot solve.
How can I bear it?
How can I bear it?
This madanm
the hushed conversation
on the porch –
My husband listens.
He pays them a visit
just to listen
yet again.
He’s gone for hours
and comes back
shaking his head.
“These problems they’re having –
they can only be solved
by a little more money
and a little more space.”
We are only two
in our yellow mansion.
We are eating
three meals a day
instead of one.
How can I bear it?
How can I bear it?
The police checkpoint
in the blazing sun.
The officer says:
“I haven’t taken anything
yet today.”
He probably really is
hungry.
Ahead of us
waits Sunday dinner
prepared by friends.
But we have no money.
A fist bump.
A “maybe on the way back.”
But -
I pray he’s gone
when we return
because –
How can I bear it?
How can I bear it?
The bag of “provisions”
she slips me
yet again.
How can I take these
when I’m feeding two
and she has
nine?
Another gift
for ME?
And then
in the half-darkness
of that little yard
he smiles at me
and says “I can’t understand it.
But I love you a lot!”
All I can say is –
“I love you more!”
Because
what have I ever done
to deserve it all?
And how can I bear it?
How can I bear it?
To hear them say
even one more time -
“God bless you
Sister Eliezer!
What you did
was big to us!”
When I do something
so small
for people who
carry burdens
I can’t even understand.
Sometimes
their hospitality
their generosity
overwhelms me.
Because
I am the privileged one.
And -
How can I bear it?
To do so little
when they need
so
much.
Should I even post this? I'm not sure. I hope it doesn't cross the line of respecting others' privacy. I love this congregation - sometimes my heart can hardly hold what I feel. It's incredibly hard to learn their stories and be able to do nothing. Many times I flip-flop from struggling with my own doubts and fears about the future - then squirming with shame when I'm hit yet again with the reality that we have so much compared to the many who are carrying bigger burdens. I have nothing but respect and gratitude for the people here and how they have truly "welcomed the stranger" and shown me love and generosity even though I have so little to give in return.