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I Wish

Today I wish that white dresses were only worn at weddings and never at funerals.

I wish that daddy's never had to go to heaven way too soon and leave little girls behind.

I wish that my heart didn't still beat fast every time I hear a gunshot or when I call a loved one and it goes straight to voicemail without ringing once.

I wish I didn't wonder who was hungry today while I opened my freezer full of meat.

And God is beside me saying remember that some surprises are good surprises. Sometimes you see a tiny heart beating on a sonogram and before you know it a year has past and you're giving a bath to a squirmy, slippery little girl that splashes and wiggles and tries to drink the bathwater.

Sometimes churches are packed with loud and happy people and the choir sings wedding songs and the table is so full of food you think it might break.

And some Sundays it's just a few gathered. The generator is silent because there is no gas and you pray for the wickedness that you see around you to stop and for the people who are stuck in their homes and not able to even come to church.

Sometimes your arms are full and you think your heart will explode with joy. And sometimes you face the reality of a loss so great that your life will never be the same.

I wish you all God's courage for the hard things this year. And I wish you enough hope to recognize and embrace the happy moments, however and whenever they appear.

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