On Moms Becoming Marthas

In the early years of motherhood, with a toddler in your arms and another tiny human growing in your belly, life fills up fast. Your calendar is filled with doctor appointments, your couch is filled with unfolded laundry, and your garden is filled with weeds. You hear many times how motherhood is A Noble Calling and how that some of the Best Years of Your Life are passing right now, as you try to fill the role of Caretaker of All the People.

But you don't feel very noble when your feet are swollen or you're hobbling around with random pregnancy aches and pains or snapping at dear husband for something trivial.

For some reason in those moments I always think about Mary and Martha in the Bible. Oh how I do NOT want to be a Martha! Stuffy, stressed-out, petty Martha who didn't know how to relax and enjoy life.

She is the bane of my existence.

Because if I didn't have to worry about becoming like her, I could convince myself that I'm doing quite well. I mean my eyes look a bit wild sometimes... Occasional migraines... Random bouts of bustling about, accompanied by hurrying and nagging of family members...

But you ARE careful and troubled about many things...

I know but I have Reasons. The first reason being that I live in a crazy, fast-paced country and go to a church full of Germans and Russians with High Standards. (Note that I love my church and am also either Russian or German, I can never remember.) I also have many family responsibilities. And of course there's money to worry about. Who isn't worried about money in 2024? Probably I should be also worrying about politics but I let my husband do that.

Truth is, all reasons aside, I seriously need help from Jesus in all the same areas that Martha did.

Jesus, much like us Moms, lived out his faith through acts of service. He stopped to heal sick people, stooped to wash feet, and fed hungry people while also offering the water of life.

He did all the same things as Martha was trying to do, just in a different way.

I'm pretty sure Jesus never made the people he was helping feel like they were a line on his to-do list. It wasn't a, "OK, hurry up, next in line, next!" type of setup. I'm thinking he walked the roads at a leisurely pace, taking time to notice all the details around him... Especially the people. After all, he noticed the woman who touched the hem of his garment.

If Martha would have been in charge of his ministry, it would have probably looked radically different. And I hate to think about myself in that situation. It seems like a lot of the time I'm hurtling down the interstate at a few over 70 mph. Sometimes talking on the phone all the while. I try to at least talk to my little girl in the backseat and point out the cows as we go past. Does that count for anything?

Another thing about Martha is she was keeping score - noticing and comparing how responsible the others around her were being. Obviously it's not ever helpful to do that - the Bible says it's not wise. And I've been noticing that if I'm in the mindset of keeping score I also fall so short of my own standards. And it's very hard for me to let go of the fact that a month ago I went to the dentist with my parents in law on Saturday instead of Friday because I had been sick with a migraine and was very confused about which day it was. The result was that they were banned from that clinic because of my mistake. And while I'm thinking of mistakes last night I left the sprinkler on all night and I'm sure our water bill will reflect that. I'm a very scatterbrained person to be playing the keeping score game. It doesn't go so well.

And it seems like being a true servant in the Jesus way involves giving up control of outcomes. Jesus healed people physically and offered them spiritual truths. He was never pushy. But oh how the little rogue Martha living inside me would like to line everyone up in a line and maneuver them where I think they should go. All in a good way of course because surely I Know What is Best for Them.

Oh, wouldn't I love to be carefree Mary, who in all honesty, seems to have her head in the clouds, with endless time to sit at Jesus' feet. Calm and at peace.

I don't know if I'll ever get there, but I want to tame the Martha a bit more. There is a lot to do when you're a mom, a wife, and a Christian woman trying to fulfill Proverbs 31. But even Jesus always took time to pray alone. Maybe I can't climb a mountain to talk to God like he did, but there is this promise....

That they should seek the Lord, if haply they might feel after him, and find him, though he be not far from every one of us.

Seems doable, even for a busy American mom.

Or German? Russian? Whatever I am.

Recovering Martha, maybe I should say.